How long do results take, and what happens if it's positive?
You posted the kit on Tuesday. It's Friday. You've checked your phone roughly four hundred times and developed a personal relationship with the postal service's tracking page.
Here's how long it actually takes, what the wait is like, and, because this is the bit you're actually googling at 1am, what happens if it comes back positive.
Postal kit: about a week, often less
You order, it arrives in a couple of days in an envelope that could be anything. You do the finger prick, the wee, the swab, and post it back the same day if you've got any sense.
From the day they receive it, chlamydia and gonorrhoea results usually come within two to four days. The blood tests (HIV and syphilis) can take a day or two longer. Most people have everything by text within a week of posting.
The text is short. "Your results are ready" with a link, or just "all clear" depending on the service. If there's anything to discuss, they ring you. Nobody rings you to say everything's fine.
Clinic: one to two weeks, sometimes same day
Clinics are a bit slower on the routine stuff, usually a week to a fortnight, results by text.
But they can do things a postal kit can't. A rapid HIV test is a finger prick with a result in about twenty minutes, while you wait. Some clinics can turn chlamydia and gonorrhoea around the same day if you ask. And if you've actually got symptoms, they'll look, which no envelope can do.
Some clinics only text if there's something to say. Ask before you leave what "no news" means at that particular one, because sitting there for a fortnight thinking no news is good news is a bad plan if it isn't.
The wait
The wait is the worst bit, and it's mostly because you've got time to think.
Here's the thing to hold on to: the vast majority of tests come back clear. And of the ones that don't, the vast majority are chlamydia, which is a week of tablets and a mild sense of admin.
The scary part of testing is the waiting. The unscary part is nearly everything else.
Order the next kit while you wait, if it helps. Genuinely. Turns the fear into a routine.
If it's positive
Right. Deep breath. This is what actually happens, infection by infection, and none of it is the film in your head.
Chlamydia. A phone call from the service. A week of antibiotics, either sent to you or collected from a pharmacy. No sex for the week (including oral, sorry). That's it. You're done. Some services suggest a repeat test a few months on, because it's easy to catch again from someone who hasn't been treated.
Gonorrhoea. One injection at a clinic, so you'll need to go in. A follow-up test a couple of weeks later to make sure it's gone. Done.
Syphilis. A course of penicillin injections, one to three depending on how long it's been there. Follow-up blood tests over the next year to watch it go. Caught early, which is what testing does, it's completely curable.
HIV. A second test to confirm, then you're seen at a specialist clinic, usually within days. Treatment is one tablet a day. Once the virus is undetectable, which takes a few months, it can't be passed on during sex at all. People on treatment live normal lives, normal lifespans, have kids, all of it. It's a different diagnosis from the one your mum remembers.
Nobody, at any point, will tell you off. Sexual health clinics have seen everything, twice, and they are the least judgemental people in the whole NHS.
Telling people
Anyone you've slept with recently should get tested, because most of these have no symptoms and he won't know otherwise.
You don't have to do it yourself. Every clinic and postal service will contact people for you without saying who you are. They get a message that says "someone you've been in contact with has tested positive for X, please get tested", and nothing else. Not your name. Not the date.
If you'd rather do it yourself, keep it boring. "Heads up, I tested positive for chlamydia, you should get tested, it's a week of tablets." Then stop typing. There's a post on telling people if you want the full version.
The app, if it's positive
Nothing happens. That's the entire design.
A positive result is never shown to anyone. There's no red cross, no "not clean", no warning. Anyone who types in your number sees the same blank they'd see for a person who's never heard of us. Get treated, retest, upload the new one, and your green tick comes back. Nobody sees the gap.
You found out. That was the point of testing. The rest is tablets.
Where to get tested, with results by text.
Quick answers
- How long do STI test results take from a postal kit?
- Usually within a week of you posting it back, often two to four days. Chlamydia and gonorrhoea tend to come first, the blood tests a day or two later. You get a text, and if there's anything to talk about, a call.
- How long do results take at a sexual health clinic?
- Typically a week to two weeks by text. Some clinics do a rapid HIV finger-prick with a result in twenty minutes, and some can do same-day chlamydia and gonorrhoea if you ask. If you hear nothing, it's usually negative, but check what they told you.
- What happens if my STI test comes back positive?
- For chlamydia, a week of tablets. Gonorrhoea, one injection and a follow-up test. Syphilis, penicillin. HIV, a confirmation test and then treatment that gets it to a level where it can't be passed on. The clinic will tell recent people for you, anonymously, if you'd rather not.
- Will anyone see my positive result?
- Not from the clinic, and not in the app. A positive result is never shown to anyone. You get the same blank as someone who hasn't tested. Get treated, retest, and your tick comes back.
Take the test. Check the text. Enjoy the sex.